Understanding the Milestone

Everyone, from the youngest child to the oldest adult, experiences anxieties and fears at one time or another. Feeling anxious in a particularly uncomfortable situation never feels very good. However, with kids, such feelings are not only normal, they’re also necessary. Dealing with anxieties can prepare young people to handle the unsettling experiences and challenging situations of life.

Anxiety is defined as “apprehension without apparent cause.” It usually occurs when there’s no immediate threat to a person’s safety or well-being, but the threat feels real.

Having fears or anxieties about certain things can also be helpful because it makes kids behave in a safe way. For example, a kid with a fear of fire would avoid playing with matches. Parents should always be aware that some intense fears are quite a natural developmental stage and will ease naturally.

What to Expect from your child during the milestone?

The objects and situations that children fear vary a good deal. When very young children show fear it can be hard to judge exactly what is causing it, and many parents underestimate the number of things that frighten their children.

Sometimes toddlers have unrealistic fears based on their limited understanding of cause and effect. For example, the toddler might see water and soap suds going down the drain and think that he might disappear down the drain, too!

In fact, showing different anxieties at different stages of development is normal for children. Here are some of the most common childhood anxieties he is likely to experience at the young age:

• Babies often fear loud noises or sudden movements, large looming objects, changes in the house and heights.

• Toddlers around 10 to 18 months old experience separation anxiety, becoming emotionally distressed when one or both parents leave.

As kids grow, one fear may disappear or replace another.

Common Causes of Anxiety in children

• Some kids are more likely to be anxious because it runs in the family.

• A child can also learn to think and behave in an anxious way by watching others or by going through scary experiences.

• Certain things in a child’s environment might also increase the child’s chances of becoming anxious. For example, if a parent is overprotective of a shy child it might help the child in the short term, but can increase the child’s anxiety overall.

Tips to Support your Child

If your child shows signs of normal childhood anxiety, you can support him in several ways:

• Some toddlers enjoy new people, places, and things, while others take longer to warm up. Respect each style, adapting to children’s personalities. Use simple and clear language to describe new experiences beforehand. Try to blend the familiar with the unfamiliar. If a toddler is using an unfamiliar play space, for instance, couple the experience with a familiar friend. Then give him time to adjust.

• Accept toddlers’ angry feelings. Fear and aggression can be closely related. Help toddlers express and manage both feelings.

• Gently encourage your child to do things he’s anxious about, but don’t push him to face situations he doesn’t want to face.

• Wait until your child actually gets anxious before you step in to help.

• Praise your child for doing something he’s anxious about, rather than criticizing him for being afraid.

• Avoid labelling your child as ‘shy’ or ‘anxious’.

• Sometimes children relive scary events during their play. Provide a safe and structured setting, but let them play independently. Fear is a difficult but useful emotion. It triggers bursts of adrenaline, which help to keep children safe. Learning to manage these powerful feelings is a lifelong process.

• Reassure your baby whenever he develops a new fear. Cuddle him during thunderstorms. This comforting will help his fears settle with time. When baby gets older, you’ll be able to lessen his fears by talking about them with him.

When to Talk to a Professional?

Anxiety in children is normal. If your child shows signs of anxiety, you might just need to acknowledge his fears and gently encourage him. But if anxiety is interfering with your child’s daily life, you might need to think about professional help.

• Compare your child’s behavior with other children of the same age. If your child’s behavior is very different from that of other children, consider professional help.

• Consider how severe your child’s reaction is. If he’s extremely distressed and hard to settle when you leave him, for example, think seriously about professional help.

Severe anxiety can impact on children’s health and happiness. Some anxious children will grow out of their fears, but others will keep having trouble with anxiety unless they get professional help.